Thursday, February 25, 2010

Musically Involved

Hi Everyone!
When I started this blog, I had no idea of why I was really starting it. I knew that I wanted to share my story with others, but which story do I tell? The first post was about something I've lived with most of my life (my graddaddy not being there and why) and I wanted to share that story SO bad. I kept thinking that maybe knowing how one accident changes lives decades into the future will help someone not make the same choice. But then, I started talking about myself and how I was making my choices. I don't want others to make some of the same choices that I did. So, in a way, I wanted to influence how people proceeded with thier choices. I wanted to help change the world. I could list song after song after song, most of them probably by Carrie Underwood or a country artist, and tell you how every one has affected or matched up with my life, but it probably wouldn't be the same stories you share. If you don't know why you are doing a specific thing, such as going to school is going to help me get a better job, then it's probably a good idea to stop and ask yourself. Fortunately for me, I didn't figure it out soon enough. I believe that I am supposed to, like a lot of other great women before me, share my walk with Christ, and since my walk is relatively new, I can help others learn about why God is so important.

As I've been reading the book of John, I'm noticing that when Jesus is performing miracles the townspeople either do not believe it is happening, want to reprimand him for it or want to see more so that they think they can believe in him. I'm also seeing that Jesus doesn't care what your skin color, hair color, eye color or where you grew up was, but he gives his love to EVERYONE! What trends do you see or remember in the book of John?

Now I will leave you with a list of songs to look up if you like. Take the list however you want, but "don't think, don't judge, just listen."

Carrie Underwood (you knew it was coming!)- Temporary Home, Jesus Take The Wheel, Change, So Small
Jimmy Wayne- I Love You This Much
Sara Jean Culler (find her @ www.sarajeanculler.com)- Pictures
Brad Paisley-When I Get Where I'm Going

Much Love & God Bless,
Jessica

Monday, February 22, 2010

John, Chapter 1-5

After I received a comment on my blog from yesterday, I got inspired just to do what I always felt the need to do, which was just to dive into God's word. (Remember, yesterday I said I had a lazy problem?) For the last several months, I've just wanted to read the Bible like I would read any other book, however, the Bible isn't just any other book. One of my many (4) Bibles has a "What Do I Read Today?" section in the back. This particular Bible is a Teen Study Bible, so it sort of helps you navigate through the Bible with interactives. A few months ago, my friend Shelbee and I had started reading the book of John. We didn't get very far, but last night I just thought I would pick up there and start reading and read the first five chapters.

In Chapter 1, John gives us his testimony about Jesus and tells us how the first disciples come to be. Chapter 2 reveals the events when Jesus turned water into wine and when he cleared the temple courts of Jerusalem. This is also the first time Jesus predicts his own death and rising. In Chapter 3 we see Jesus teaching Nicodemus and John revealing more of his testimony. Since, in Chapter 4, Jesus talks with a Samaritan woman, more people come to believe in him. He also heals the Official's son and rejoins his disciples. In Chapter 5, a paralized man walks again, Jesus explains that he can work on the Sabbath, and there are more testimonies about Jesus!

In some of these stories, such as the Water turning to Wine and the Paralized man walking, we aren't meant to question whether Jesus could perform them, but rejoice that he did! He did not have to give his life for us, but he did! God loves us and we can see that through his actions.
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Mrs. Jennifer left me a comment yesterday and I was eager to read the verses she left. She is completely right! In my Study Bible, there is actually a *note* about Psalm 139-13-18! It reads "Ever get really down and feel like no one understands you? Whenever you do, it's a good time to read Psalm 139:13-16. These verses remind you that God understands you better than you understand yourself. Best of all, God loves you and watches over you. God is all around you. He has laid his hand on you, You are his, and he is yours." In Romans 8:38-39, we are reminded that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God! It's really nice to know that God understands me and loves me for me.

Much Love & God Bless,
Jessica

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Learning, Always Learning

It is in our nature, as human beings, to be curious about almost everything. The way something works, why it works that way, or your normal everyday gossip about every one's lives. And there are plenty more things to be curious about, but today I was curious about myself. I was asked a question regarding my social networking sites and my head just started spinning. Why was I so ready to tell everyone about my life and the lives of my family members and friends rather than listening in Sunday School and "upgrading", not only my relationship with God, but with my family and friends as well?
A friend of mine once told me that she did not believe that I really believed in God. Of course, at the time, she was right. That time, like today, unlike so many other situations, has me wanting to change so badly. I am curious of how I work, think, and feel. Everyone has always told me I live in the past, and it's true, but I think I am finally ready to let it all go, but how do you do that? I love a father, who love me, but doesn't love me more than another. I love a mother, but sometimes I wonder if she really understands me. I love a stepfather, but I don't feel like I was her. I love a sister, but I can never live up to what she has accomplished. Whenever I start a new endeavor, I always want a clean slate, but that isn't how life is. If it was not for our pasts, we would not be where we are today. So, how do you make things right? I always feel as if I have to start in the past. I have to fix those things first in order to move on. So, in order to have a relationship with God, I have to "fix" my bad habits of laziness. In order to move into a new relationship, I have to "fix" the ones I already have. But do I really? I know that bad habits DO have to be fixed and "upgraded", but maybe my relationships can grow if I grow.
Someone also asked me why was I always so sad. To that person, whomever they may be, I want to say that I don't know how to be truly happy. I can be happy when I'm with certain people or listening to certain songs, reading certain books, or when I talk with certain people over the phone or Internet. Like I said before, I have been through a lot. Maybe more than some of you will ever have to go through, but I don't know how to be happy with everything that God has blessed me with. And with all of the sad things, I do not know how to let God handle everything for me. Some things I am ready and willing to let Him take care of, but I don't like my peanut butter messed up with my chocolate. (Yes, that is a reference to Emily from Make It Or Break It if anyone watches that show.) I didn't have anyone there for so long, so how do I let Him just take it all over.
In Sunday School, I believe it was last week, Mrs. Tonya was talking about having, I guess you could call it, hidden sins. Sins that only you and God know about. I have lied and stolen and since I don't like eating in front of people, I do more than my share when I'm alone. Although, since I have moved I've dropped down 2 jean sizes, I still continue to do something I know I shouldn't. I am lazy but I have attainable dreams. I have a lot to say, but can't and probably won't ever say it. I want to realize that people love me and that I love them even when I say, to myself, that I don't.
Now, I think everything is out in the open and I'm curious as to how it all will come out and how I can move on and "upgrade". I do hope, however, that someone can learn something from this. Whether it's me or someone else.
Much Love & God Bless,
Jessica

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Comes Around Every Year

Thirty-nine years ago this coming July, my grandfather died in a car accident in Mount Olive, NC. He was the drunk driver. One year ago this February, my cousin died in a car accident in Mount Olive, NC. He was also the drunk driver. Both of these accidents effected my life greatly, each in their own way. With my grandaddy gone, I don't have many men in my life, and seeing as Eric was only two years older than myself, the accident opened my eyes. And, although both of them were drinking, I don't blame anyone for them passing. I was sitting in the living room with my grandmother just last week thinking, " I wish grandaddy was here." Then I thought about my aunt, cousins and even my cousins daughter. They wouldn't be here if my grandaddy was still alive. I might not even be here, as my grandparents would more than likely stayed in North Carolina. Now, with Eric's passing, I find time to talk to my family members in NC, whether it be by phone, letter or facebook. Although, I will admit I don't as much as I should. This just goes to show... EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!! We may not understand it now, but God has a plan for us and whether we like it or not, these things are going to happen.

Since the anniversary of Eric's passing is approaching, I have been thinking about how much my life has changed in the past year. Last year, I was very unstable. I would be happy one moment and sad the next few hours. I remember Valentine's day 2009 relativly well. The days before were hard, seeing as I was very depressed (I was diagnosed last January). I was working Valentine's Day. I was ontime and didn't have a lot of calls. Around 10 am I received a call about a man and his wife wanting a room for just one night. We joked around and talked a good bit and he told me if I gave him a good rate, that he would bring me a valentine. I gave him the rate, and he booked the room, but I didn't expect anything when he arrived. About two hours before I was set to leave, I got a call from the front desk saying I had a guest bring me a valentine. I told them I would be down to get it when I got off. However, when my coworker heard I had gotten a valentine waiting a the front desk, she was thrilled for me and told me to go down to get it. I got a pink rose from someone I've NEVER met!! The first time I EVER get a rose/flowers and it's from someone I don't know and will probably never meet. That man and his wife made my entire day and I never got to thank them. I went home that night and my sister and parents were going out, and I was content with staying home seeing as I had to be at work again the next morning. However, the next morning I got up late. My mom came in to wake me up and she was talking to my aunt. My mom talking to her at seven am? This was NOT good!! When my mom got off the phone, she told me Eric died in a car accident at 1:45 that am. I stopped rushing around trying to get ready so I wouldn't be late and I cried. As I thought about it throughout the day, I cried somemore. When my coworker from the day before came in I told her what happened. She even said "You can't catch a break can you?" I don't remember much from the rest of that day, except that Monday we decided we HAD to be in NC. The rest of that week was hard to get through because Eric, his sister, Heather, and their parents were very close, it was hard to watch them break down. (I love you all so much!) This year though, I am living in another state and I get to go to church and have an amazing relationship with God that I certainly did not have last year. I miss my family, friends, and even my job, but things seem to be better. I have better relationships with family and everything is looking up, all because I finally have God as a regular part of my life.

I want to challenge everyone to have a relationship with God. If you already have one, what is he telling you? He wants me to change the world through my experiences. If you haven't heard it yet, listen to Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood. "This is our temporary home" it isn't where we belong.

I want to send out a quick thank you to Mrs. Tonya and Mrs. Jennifer. Each week I'm in your class, you say something that applies to my life and I thank God that He's brought you into my life.

Much Love and God Bless,
Jessica